Table of Contents

On Me, Writing, and Lovergirl

Why I Quit Writing

Another Kind of Monster is Born

Introducing the Queen (of Hearts)

On Hitchcock, Giving Up, and Being an Artist

You Don’t Have to Take Everything Off to be Beautiful

Don’t Call it a Comeback

Let’s Write About Sex, Baby

Complacency is the Mindkiller

Why Worrying is a Waste of Time

On Grit and Getting Kicked in the Teeth

Keeping Sex Complicated

Breathe With Me — Four Different Ways

Why I Won’t Have Sex With You (Even Though You Think I Should)

On “Real” Men

Rethinking Miley

Slut-Shaming: The Gift that Keeps on Giving

Interview with Steven Klein: On Art, Madonna, and Identity

Why Gravity Falls Flat

Why I Quit Performing (And Why I Respect Fiona Apple)

Breathe With Me: Out Today!

Why I Love Mindy Kaling

Choosing Your Own (Erotic) Adventure

Exclusive: Breathe With Me, the First Chapter

Honesty in Dating, R.I.P.

Mother Misfit and the Absence of Sex (Appeal)

I Was an LAPD Reject (part one)

On Miley, Disney, Elton, and the Lost Art of Creativity

An Ode to Love

I Was an LAPD Reject (part two)

12 Years a Slave, Torture Porn, and the Unfortunate Problem of American Apathy

I Was an LAPD Reject (part three)

I Was an LAPD Reject (part four)

Waiting for Hefner

The World is Full of Married Men

Haters Gonna Hate

Deconstructing Dahlia: The FM Magazine Interview

A Self-Portrait in Stages: Part One, Or How I Ended Up in Berlin

Breathe With Me, Introductions

A Self-Portrait in Stages: Part Two, En Route to Berlin

A Self-Portrait in Stages: Part Three, In Love with Berlin

Queen of Hearts: My Ode to Magic, the Magic Castle, and Magicians Everywhere

Dear Online Dater, You Not So Sexy

Queen of Hearts: A Novel by Dahlia Schweitzer (excerpt)

A Self-Portrait in Stages: Part Four, Leaving NYC

On (Not) Having it All

Dallas Buyers Club: The FDA, Then and Now — When Did Things Get So Screwed Up?

A Self-Portrait in Stages: Part Five, Willkommen in Berlin

In Praise of Selfies: Work It, Girl

Special LA Event Next Saturday: Sex, Magic, Finance with the Queen of Hearts

A Self-Portrait in Stages: The End & Beginnings, Berlin and LA

Now on Sale: The Re-Release of Naughty Girl — Video 

Dear Perks of Being a Wallflower: Thank You

Digital Detox

Dear Love, I Haven’t Gotten Over You Yet

This is Dahlia’s Newsletter (Holiday 2013 Edition)

Dahlia’s Totally Subjective Rules on Dating

Get Off Your Ass

I’ll See You Maybe: Our Culture of Unaccountability

More Totally Subjective Rules About Dating

Even More Totally Subjective Rules on Dating — From A Dude

Miss Longsuffering, Mr. Douchebag, and the Tale We’ve Heard a Million Times Before

Why Self-Publishing is Awesome (and Why Full-Time Writing Doesn’t Work)

How to Survive (and Even Enjoy) the Holidays

When Surviving the Holidays Isn’t an Option – Ignore Them

The Politics of Sex(uality)

Israeli Men, You Guys. Israeli Men!

Happy Holidays + Happy New Year!

Dear Xanax, I Love You

$$$ Cities and the Sacrifice of Creativity

The Terrible, Horrible, No-Cure Curse of Hiberdating

New Year, New You: Just Own It

OKC POW: Part One (BALTIMORE EDITION)

OKC POW: Part Two (LA EDITION)

Let’s Talk About Sex(ting)

Hey Baby, What’s Your Type?

Something Doesn’t Smell Right, or How One Museum Show Became a Luxury Boutique

OKC: Reports from the Trenches, Week 2 (LA EDITION)

The Importance of Touch (Touch-A, Touch-A, Touch Me)

OKC: Reports from the Trenches, Week 2 (BALTIMORE EDITION)

Learning to Meditate, One Step at a Time

Can You Be Friends (with Benefits)?

Hey Guys, Carpe That Fucking Diem Already

The OKCupid Project, Week 3: Hell is Other People (LA EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 3: Hell is Other People (BALTIMORE EDITION)

Knock, Knock — Is There Anybody in There?

The OKCupid Project, Week 3.5: The Survey Says (BALTIMORE EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 3.5: In Which The Guys Get Worse, The Women Get Better, and I Want To Quit (LA EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 4: Dating is a Bloodsport (LA EDITION)

Danger, Danger! Red Flags Ahead!

The OKCupid Project, Week 4: Dating is a Bloodsport (BALTIMORE EDITION)

What Would Carrie Bradshaw Do?

The OKCupid Project, Week 5: The Longer This Goes On, The More Gay I Get (LA EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 5: The Longer This Goes On, The More Gay I Get (BALTIMORE EDITION)

37

In Real Life, Images Are Larger Than They Appear

The OKCupid Project, Week 6: Men, Women, and Other (BALTIMORE EDITION)

Faux-Lesbians, Victoria’s Secret, and the Case of the Missing CEO

The OKCupid Project, Week 6: Men, Women, and Other (LA EDITION)

SONG-O-MATIC: #7 of 52 The Selfies of OKC 

Love is a Peculiar Thing

The OKCupid Project, Week 7: You Are Not My Valentine (LA EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 7: You Are Not My Valentine (BALTIMORE EDITION)

I

The OKCupid Project, Week 8: It’s All About the Text (LA EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 8: It’s All About the Text (BALTIMORE EDITION)

Going Back to Cali

It Takes Two (to Watch TV)

The OKCupid Project, Week 9: Armor Down, Heart Bare (BALTIMORE EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 9: Armor Down, Heart Bare (LA EDITION)

Unicorns, Dreams, and That Career/Romance Thing Again

Desire Can Be a Bitch

Dear Blog, Back Soon. Love, Dahlia

The OKCupid Project, Week 10: Desperately Seeking a Unicorn and Answers to All Your Online Dating Questions!

The OKCupid Project, Week 11: Swan Song (BALTIMORE EDITION)

The OKCupid Project, Week 11: Swan Song (LA EDITION)

I’m Back, Bitches — And I’m Bossy

Break Me to Domesticate Me

Tick Tock, Tick Tock: No Rest for the Wicked

Fuck You Pink

An Artist’s Manifesto

Your Account Has Been Disabled

On HBO’s Girls and Hannah and Why She Matters

Kurt Cobain Twenty Years Later: After the Nevermind

Kurt Cobain Twenty Years Later: Moments of Silence

Turning Gay in LA

The Not-So-Magical Secret to Making Time to Write

Cindy Sherman’s Office Killer: Another Kind of Monster

What I Regret Most In My Life Are Failures Of Kindness

The Cinderella Complex

Wave the White Flag: On Knowing When to Say “I Can’t”

How Alive Are You Willing To Be?

Dear Johnny, Rest in Peace

Life, Death, and the In-Between

The Very White (and Very Male) Face of Late Night Television

Go Ahead. Risk Being Seen.

Negating Father’s Day

To Do: Everything and Nothing

The Myth of the Rom-Com-Romance (aka Don’t Touch My Spikes)

And What’s YOUR Expiration Date?

Pictures of You, 20 Years Later: A Goth Flashback

When There is Nothing Left to Say

If Only I Could Be So Brave

I Am Hated For Who I Am

This Is Personal

How Many Deaths Are Enough?

Why the Movement to Boycott Israel Disgusts and Disappoints Me

Armour and Artifice

On Being Queer and Jewish — And Why Neither Should Matter

He Wanted to Break Me — Or Why I Won’t Judge Janay Palmer

No, But Are You REALLY Gay?

What’s Really Missing in Gone Girl

Why National Coming Out Day is Really No Big Deal

The Art of (Not) Letting Go

A New Tattoo

Warning: Envy Exposed

Nikki Sudden: The Coolest Man in the Room

I Choose Olivia

AIDS Awareness Day

358 Days Until Thanksgiving 2015 (Or Why I’m Glad Thanksgiving Is Over)

Happy Holidays (and a few gift ideas!)

The Dangerous Lesson of Whiplash — And Why I Hated It

34,000 Views

When Love Is Not Enough

Towards Ahimsa

Choosing To Be Number One

Why I (Almost) Stopped Doing Yoga

Detachment Is A Gift You Give Yourself

Life Is About Greys & Middles & Doing Your Best

Breaking the Pattern: Addiction, Recognition, and the Necessary Toolbox

Pattern Recognition

The Terribly Underrated Importance of Being Nice

“Thank God It’s Over”

A Letter to an Ex

Baudrillard, Fake Boobs, and the Blinding White of a New Set of Veneers

The Dark and Dirty Secret of Mental Illness

Why Hillary’s Logo Really IS as Bad as Everyone is Saying

When Solitude Feels Like Home

All Fury, No Soul: Why Mad Max Left Me Empty and Disappointed

Marilyn Monroe: Artist and Auteur

Why Your Hipster T-Shirt Doesn’t Make You a Feminist

The Bride Who Never Was

In the War Against Creativity, Lexapro Won

When Parents Aren’t Parents

Pretty Little Transgenders

On World Teacher’s Day, Support Humane Treatment of Educators

It’s Just Hair

Why Gaga’s Bowie Left Me Empty

Hillary Clinton Rewrites AIDS History

Office Killer with Cindy Sherman in NYC

Losing a Parent (Again)

Office Killer Finds Its Place

I Don’t Want Prayers. I Want Gay Rights.

To All Those Without Fathers

2016: You’re the Worst

Why Are We So Furious With Girls?

Is Anyone Listening?

White People, Step Up

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