My friend Julie in Baltimore decided to dip her toes in the OKC waters, which inspired the two of us to go at this together. Much like workout buddies, we are there to remind each other to hold our heads high and not to give up — and to share some of the insanity that runs rampant on the Internet. We also thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the Los Angeles and Baltimore dating scenes.
Because some of this material is too good not to share, we’ve decided to share it with you in the form of weekly highlights. You’ll get them until either one of us finds love (don’t hold your breath) or gives up (more likely).
So as you all know, dear readers, I’ve been engaging in a lot of adventures for the sake of the blog, “science,” and, well, my own ego. After heart-to-hearts with two good friends, I’m going to try to curtail some of my extracurriculars and focus on why I started this journey in the first place.
To put things in perspective, Dahlia asked me earlier this week to list all of the people I was seeing or was likely to see in the near future. After doing so she basically threw up her hands and said, “There’s no way I can remember all that!” Wake-up call heard. Dammit!
And just as when the alarm goes off, I’m loath to leave the dreamworld and come back to reality. I dated hardly at all in high school and college. I could drink legally before I lost my virginity. Being desired has never been part of my self-concept. Until now. Now, in my fifth decade of life, I’m finally a hot commodity. And, damn, that feels good. But, as a good friend pointed out, “you’ve had enough fun….Seriously.”
And, sadly, I must admit she’s right. My laser-like focus which served me so well in other aspects of life, has been scattered and diffused by the fog of being desired. I’ve lost sight of why I started this quest in the first place. My goal wasn’t a lot of sex without deeper connection; my goal, cheesy as it is, was to find a partner. And I’ve been wasting my time and energy with folks who are not and can never be the equal I’m searching for simply because they satisfied the ego needs of the 17 year old me who didn’t go to prom. Because they made me feel sexy and attractive and wanted.
But this isn’t about that. I’ve pretended it was, I’ve used this blog as a cover for my experimentation and play, but I’m not being honest with myself or anyone else. And that needs to stop. Now, I’m not under any illusions that I won’t backslide, that I won’t momentarily lose sight of my goal, that I won’t have moments of weakness and doubt. But I have wonderful friends who will support me without judgment and I have you, dear readers.
So, everyone, please help keep me honest. And if this makes the blog less interesting, then sorry, but so be it. But I promise to continue to lay my heart bare, keep my armor down and my heart open, and share my successes and failures with all of you. And hopefully that will be interesting enough.
Phone Calls: 2
Messages: Yeah, I’m not counting anymore
PROGRESS (OR LACK THEREOF)
I had a lovely date with Xander from Tinder this week. The conversation was wide-ranging and marvelous and I’ll be seeing him again Thursday. I’m still a bit skeptical that I can fully fall for a guy, but he’s smart and funny so I’m going to see where things take us.
Then there were the three women from Plenty of Fish (POF) who turned out to be a bit of Goldilocks situation. The first was too boring (she texted me about her check engine light going on. Repeatedly). The second was too crazy (we talked on the phone until late, I think she told me she loved me, and then she invited me to brunch the next morning – ack!). And the third, well, I’m hoping for just right. I will see her tonight for the classic dinner and a movie date (well, movie and a dinner, to be accurate). We’ve talked on the phone and she seems both interesting and sane. I’m waiting for the other shoe to drop. Perhaps she’s a bear in disguise?
WHAT I LEARNED FROM OKC THIS WEEK
So Dahlia and I have learned many things from OKC these past months, and not all of that has made it into the blog posts. So we want to know what you, dear readers, want to know. Do you have specific questions about navigating dating sites, about online dating mores, about dating in general? Do you have suggestions for what we should explore in our posts? Do you have your own online dating misadventures that you’re dying to share? Do you have actual online dating success stories you’d be willing to discuss to give hope to the rest of us? Let us know!
To make things easy and provide anonymity, if you so desire, we’ve set up the following SurveyMonkey form. Fill out some or all of it, depending on what you want to ask or tell us, and we promise to address all serious inquiries (and, hell, maybe some of the facile ones, too) in the upcoming weeks. Thanks!