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My friend Julie in Baltimore decided to dip her toes in the OKC waters, which inspired the two of us to go at this together. Much like workout buddies, we are there to remind each other to hold our heads high and not to give up — and to share some of the insanity that runs rampant on the Internet. We also thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the Los Angeles and Baltimore dating scenes.

Because some of this material is too good not to share, we’ve decided to share it with you in the form of weekly highlights. You’ll get them until either one of us finds love (don’t hold your breath) or gives up (more likely).

From Julie:

I hate posting my blog update after Dahlia.  It’s like batting behind David Ortiz: the person before you just hit one out of the freaking park and now the pitcher looks at you and a smile creeps onto his face. “Thank god,” he thinks, “this will be easier.”

But enough about my issues with my writing.  Let’s talk about my issues with other people’s writing.

I’m all about the words and the ideas behind them.  If you don’t get me with your words, you’re not going to get me, period.  You can look like Jennifer Connelly or Michael Fassbender, or like Jennifer Connelly’s and Michael Fassbender’s somehow fully grown offspring, but if you can’t write multiple sentences full of humor and intelligence and heart, we’re not going anywhere together.  Conversely, I can forgive a multitude of sins if your words make me swoon.  Turn me on with your words and I’m pretty much yours, baby.

OKC was not getting me enough interested wordsmiths so I decided to expand to other platforms.  I started using Tinder last week, which does not exactly lend itself to the verbal seduction, but I struck up two very lovely conversations.  This is how one began:

“Your dislike of short-sightedness – is that the literal or figurative type?  Also, I am currently rewatching season 1 of Buffy and it is still amazing.”

So I think I have more words on my Tinder profile than anyone else, or than anyone should, but this guy, we’ll call him Xander, picked up on what I wrote and ran with it.  We exchanged messages and then had a date planned for Tuesday night that I sadly had to reschedule because of a killer migraine.  But I very much want to meet this guy because he captured my attention immediately by writing in a way that exuded humor and warmth.  He’s good looking as well, but that’s really beyond the point.  He could have horns and I’d still want to meet him because of his expert written wooing.  And, come to think of it, horns might be a turn on…

In contrast, this also happened on Tinder:  “What do u do?”  Yeah, that isn’t going to work for me.  In my opinion, only Prince is allowed to use “u” in such a fashion, and this guy was not Prince.

A friend suggested I try Plenty of Fish (POF) after I began to complain that OKC felt like throwing messages in bottles into the ocean and then hoping for a reply.  POF has been a revelation for me.  For some reason, I seem to be a hot commodity there.  Women keep writing to me.  It’s like when I was “straight” on OKC:  I get a lot of messages, I sift through them, and I reply to the ones that interest me.  I don’t have to do any of the heavy lifting myself!  Remarkable!  The messages run the gamut, of course, from “Hi julie” and “Hi u doing” to the woman who tried to correct the grammar on one of my photo captions:

Photoless Bitch:  “My godson (tiny hand) and I at a wedding, April 2013” should be my godson and me……

Me: Um yeah no. We’re the subjects so it’s “I.” But thanks for playing!

Then there are the messages that are quite wonderful:

“I’m an INTJ as well. Borderline on the I but I think fairly entrenched on the others (been a while since I reviewed it). Sounds like we might have a bit in common. Grew up in CA but did go to college in MA so can relate to the New England/NY thing. Want to meet up sometime?” (Read my profile, makes connections between us, and suggests a date on the first message! Bonus points!)

And:

“Hi Julie, I’m ____. I enjoyed reading your profile. Nice pics! I love smart women with a positive outlook in life. I see you’re into philosophy and ethics. Jean Paul Satre was one of my favs…have you read any of his work?” (Compliments my profile and pictures, calls me smart and positive, and mentions existentialists? Gah! I’m swooning. )

So, I’ve got a date set up with the author of the first message, we’ll call her Ms. Borderline “I,” and asked out, but have yet to hear back from, the author of the second message, we’ll call her Simone (natch).  But there are many more great messages where those came from.  At least half a dozen women on POF have nabbed my interest with their words.  Can my heart be far behind?

WEEKLY RECAP
Dates:  1 (well, “dates” is a strong word)
Phone Calls: 0
Texts:  Many!
Messages:
POF: 18 (all women); Tinder: 6 (all but one men); OKC:  2 (one of each)

PROGRESS (OR LACK THEREOF)
As mentioned above, I have a date with Ms. Borderline “I” this weekend and had a date with Xander that I unfortunately had to cancel.  I also had a date with another gentleman (brother of a Facebook friend) which I had to cancel for the same reason.  I hope to see Lovecraft tomorrow night if I can silence the evil little gnome with the power drill who lives in my head.  However, what I’m most looking forward to is dinner Saturday with a friend I made through OKC.  I missed the boat on being able to date her by about a month (another wonderful woman has captured her heart), but we have developed a wonderful fast friendship so I’m excited to finally meet in person.  Frankly, if OKC provides nothing else but a few new friends and the catalyst for this blog and my partnership with Dahlia, I’ll still call it an unqualified win.

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[Editor’s note: This image does not reflect the way Julie or I dress when exploring online dating options or the kind of woman either of us wants to date and is provided merely for comedic value.]

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