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My friend Julie in Baltimore decided to dip her toes in the OKC waters, which inspired the two of us to go at this together. Much like workout buddies, we are there to remind each other to hold our heads high and not to give up — and to share some of the insanity that runs rampant on the Internet. We also thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the Los Angeles and Baltimore dating scenes.

Because some of this material is too good not to share, we’ve decided to share it with you in the form of weekly highlights. You’ll get them until either one of us finds love (don’t hold your breath) or gives up (more likely).

From Julie:

So, in the aftermath of things not working out with Mr. Muddle Mint, I decided to re-evaluate what I am looking for and have come to the conclusion it probably isn’t a guy.  And, no, one disappointing outcome is *not* what drove me to this decision.  But this exchange with Monday Morning Sex Guy (from WEEK ONE) should sum things up nicely:

HIM: Aren’t men better?

ME: *arched brow*

ME: Um, not overall.

HIM: So you never had sex with the boyfriend guy?

ME: Oh no, we had sex.

HIM: Bad sex?

ME: No, fantastic sex actually.

HIM: So not only did you not like this guy, he turned you off cock? Who is this guy?

ME: Somebody I actually cared/care a great deal about. And, no, he didn’t turn me off cock.

ME: But I realized I’ve never been in love with a guy, and I probably can’t be.

ME: I have been with women and that’s what I want.

HIM: We should still get together.

ME: *arched brow*

HIM: I’d like to try to change your mind.

HIM: What are you doing now? You should invite me over.

ME: Okay, you’re getting close to being blocked.

HIM: I don’t want that. I’ll let you go and go to bed…..it was fun chatting.

HIM: Good luck on here!

ME: Thanks. Thanks, you too!

HIM: Let me know if you change your mind, but I don’t want to bug you.

ME: I will. Bye

ME: Bye.

(7 minutes pass)

HIM: Just one more thing….I am going to bed after this message….if you do find a woman and the two of you decide you want to include a man to spice things up, keep me in mind.

ME: Jesus!

ME: Goodnight!

So, yeah, that happened.  Now why would I want to wade through the OKC cesspool to find a guy?

WEEKLY RECAP
Dates:  0
Phone Calls: 0
Messages: Too many! (guys) Not enough! (girls)

BEST OPENING MESSAGE
Nope, nothing worthy this week. *sigh*

WORST OPENING MESSAGES  
I sense a theme this week…

HIM: “Let’s fuck”

ME: “Does that ever work?”

HIM: “Bananas”

(Frankly, I found the “Bananas” response almost charming, because, well, OKC lowers the bar.)

Image

“Would you be interested in fucking me?”

(Points won for phrasing it as a question.  Points lost for living in MASSACHUSETTS!  Dude, logistics!)

BEST RESPONSE TO “ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM”
“Rushing home from work to take the dog to the park.”

Actually says a lot in a few words and paints a lovely picture of a guy driving home after a long work week and wanting to spend some quality time playing with his dog.  It kind of screams “boyfriend potential,” no?  Well played, sir.

WORST RESPONSE TO “ON A TYPICAL FRIDAY NIGHT I AM”
“Doing your mom
or your sister.
Probably both!!”

(Wow.)

PROGRESS (OR LACK THEREOF)
So, fear not readers I am not “done with cock.” Just with trying to find a relationship with a guy.  Mr. Lovecraft and I have initiated a Friends with Benefits arrangement until I find the woman of my dreams.  After a few adjustments, the sex has gotten MUCH better, and I enjoy hanging out with him.  He is the exact opposite of Monday Morning Sex guy, although a bit of a dom in bed, which I am totally cool with.  Sometimes it’s nice to just jettison the frontal lobe entirely.

I spent the early part of the week messaging women on OKC.  I’d say I have newfound respect for what the guys go through, but 1) See above and 2) I think I’m putting way more time and effort into the craft of writing a good opening message than almost any guy does.  From that effort, I have struck up solid conversations with four women (three bi chycks and a lesbian).  I have plans to see one woman tonight for drinks (she promises not to keep me out too late on a school night) and another next weekend.

The woman tonight is *quite* mysterious.  She works for the government in a position of fairly high visibility and so her OKC profile does not show her face (the rest of her is, um, quite fetching).  So this is a literal blind date.  I know this would be a red flag for most people, but I’m rather enjoying the game of it.  I’ll let you know how it goes next week.

WHAT I LEARNED FROM OKC THIS WEEK
Well, I did learn that trying to find a woman on OKC is pretty daunting and a lot of work.  However, it’s nice to be able to put into action all of the Dos and Don’ts that Dahlia and I have chronicled here over the last few weeks.  And even when the lady and I don’t strike up an ongoing conversation that leads to a meeting, the vast majority of women I write do write me back.  I’m assuming the same time and effort put into messages that show that I actually read profiles and choose my words and content wisely would pay dividends for men as well. So men, you can learn something here!

And I learned that I can do sex without love, so long as I detach it from any potential relationship context.  And I’m not sure I could do that with a woman.  We’ll have to see if/when that comes up.  But Lovecraft and I are on the same page, we passed the FWB flowchart test, and so far so good.  However, in all honesty I’m hoping this is a very short-term arrangement. *smile*

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