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My friend Julie in Baltimore decided to dip her toes in the OKC waters, which inspired the two of us to go at this together. Much like workout buddies, we are there to remind each other to hold our heads high and not to give up — and to share some of the insanity that runs rampant on the Internet. We also thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the Los Angeles and Baltimore dating scenes.

Because some of this material is too good not to share, we’ve decided to share it with you in the form of weekly highlights. You’ll get them until either one of us finds love (don’t hold your breath) or gives up (more likely).

From Julie:

WEEKLY RECAP
Dates: 0
Phone Calls: 6 (with Mr. Club Soda, Lime and Muddled Mint Leaves of Week One’s BEST OPENING MESSAGE)
Messages: Too many!

BEST OPENING MESSAGE:
“So, where should I begin? With INTJ?
When I take the test, I come out the same way.
I see you work in education, and, hey, so do I,
But at the University level, not with the small fries.
I used to live in the city, in a house that’s really cool,
But now I live in Towson with a 7th floor view.
When it comes down to food, my go to is Chinese,
or Thai, or Pho, or Indian, or even creamed chipped beef. (yuk)
I’m not much on TV. Most of the shows are lame.
Reality TV made the landscape all the same.
When it comes to movies, though, I’m a huge fan!
I see you like Alien and Silence of the Lambs.
Chronicle was OK and Primer was a surprise.
I cried during the scene when Gia finally dies.
My taste in music leans towards the bizarre.
It’s mostly electronic with some noisy guitars.
You mention eschatology, wow, what a big word! 🙂
I personally think the end of the world idea’s absurd.
I used to do some boxing, and so it goes
that I’ve broken all of my fingers (and some of my toes.)
I’d love to see those videos of you at 17.
If that happened to me, I’d probably run away and scream.
Thank you for enduring my stupid little rhyme,
Maybe we can, ya know, chat sometime?
I know, I’m silly. Couldn’t help myself.”

Okay, that took time and shows he read my profile. Kinda impressed. And in case you weren’t paying attention — it’s a poem. It all rhymes. Hey, he might be crazy, but who isn’t these days?

WORST OPENING MESSAGES:
[Besides the unrelenting wave of “Hi how are you?” messages]

“Hi cutie. I’m a bisexual woman looking for a playmate for me and my sexy hubby. Sometimes he plays, sometimes he watches. Loves both. I am a curvy redhead with lots of bi experience and I am very oral. If you are looking for a heavenly experience with a truly passionate and kinky bisexual woman, I’m right here. Looking to meet and hang out first. If there is a connection, then move on to adult playtime and such. I’m a teacher, so I can’t post public pics. Be happy to send them to email though. Hope you are having a great day. Any of that interest you?”

My profile says this: “While I’m very open-minded in all things, I honestly can’t conceive of being in a committed open relationship and so don’t want to be the ‘other woman’ in one. Nothing personal, no judgment, just not for me. If you’re truly single and want to date multiple people, I have no problem with being one of the those people. I just don’t want to be the third wheel in an established relationship no matter how wonderful and totally fine with it you and your partner are.” And it’s clearly a form message. Ugh.

 “Haah
‘As a vegetarian, I feel bad liking leather’
-laughing-
That’s funny !
You are pretty damn great.
Hi, I’m ___.
What’s your name, Julie ?
Hey, what’s your lucky charm – you answered yes to that question and I’m curious what you carry around to ‘get lucky’ ? “

My response: I am actually ‘Julie.’ I was incredibly creative with the screenname.  And as a woman I think my extra X chromosome is all I need to “get lucky.” Being a chyck on OKC is much like being water in a desert.
[I had had it that day.]

“Wow you really have a wide variety of foods that you like you would be a guys dream to take to dinner.:-)”
[What the fuck?!]

BEST RESPONSE TO “WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE”:
Continuing work on my latest artistic endeavors, including a new live sound/video improvisational setup and some intricate electronic mini-sculptures from all of those tube televisions that people don’t want anymore. (I’m an avid recycler of things.)” From the guy who wrote the poem message.

WORST RESPONSE TO “WHAT I’M DOING WITH MY LIFE”:
“working and playing lol….not much excitement right now…just day to day grind”  So much wrong in so few words.

PROGRESS (OR LACK THEREOF):
So Mr. Lovecraft (of last week’s post) texted me at 11:30 PM on Wednesday night. Exactly the time a girl loves to hear from a guy. We didn’t say much then, but I caught him on OKC Friday night and explained my feelings after our encounter (basically what I told you, dear readers, last week). He was completely understanding and copacetic with everything, and we’ve agreed to continue as friends, which pleases me. So two steps forward, one step back?

Then there’s Mr. Club Soda, Lime and Muddled Mint Leaves (Mr. Muddled Mint for short). We had originally planned to meet each other “in real life” later this week.  However, my Sunday and Monday suddenly freed up, so I’m driving two hours north to see him tomorrow (Sunday). Which brings us to…

WHAT I LEARNED FROM OKC THIS WEEK:
So, Mr. Muddled Mint.  I like this guy.  I really like him.  We’ve talked almost every day for a couple weeks. My heart jumps a bit when I see an email or text is from him. I think of him and can’t help but smile. The thought of being with him is tantalizing in the root sense of the word — it’s torture that I’m so far away and haven’t been able to touch him yet. But I am going to see him for the first time tomorrow night — and I want nothing more than for us to have mind-blowing sex. But…

There’s always a “but.” But should I? Should I give into the carnal right away when I want something deeper and longer lasting?

I talked to my best friend, who probably knows me better than anyone, and she says “no.”  She counseled me to wait, saying that sex after the first “date” would cheapen things and potentially damage the long term success of a relationship. If I was serious about this guy, she cautioned, I should wait.

I argued with her on this. That’s silly, old-fashioned. She’s been married for 15+ years, what does she know of today’s dating mores? Holding out to ensure a guy’s interest is a fucked-up power-play that assumes that sex is the most important place that women get their leverage in relationships. And so on. Her husband sat holding their newborn second son and occasionally chimed in, sometimes supporting my arguments, sometimes her’s.  His final pronouncement was a sage “People going to do, what people going to do.”

So now I’m uncertain, unsure. I was entirely prepared for and looking forward to jumping Mr. Muddled Mint after dinner, but now I wonder if that’s the right play. My gut says my friend’s advice is antiquated bullshit, but is it?

OKC is no help. Pretty much every guy’s response to the question “Would you sleep with someone on the first date?” is “Yes.” Women are split. To the question “Say you’ve started seeing someone you really like. As far as you’re concerned, how long will it take before you have sex?,” almost all guys say “1-2 dates,” while most women reply “3-5 dates.”

So here goes a little experiment. I’ve set up a survey through SurveyMonkey. Let me know what you think. I’m not saying I’m going to follow the will of the respondents, only a crazy person makes decisions that way, but numbers may sway my behavior.  We’ll see. I’ll let you know the results and what I decided to do next week.

Survey link: https://www.surveymonkey.com/s/J5T93DL

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