I often get asked what my type is. I do and I don’t have a type. I like dark and fair, I like tall and lean, I like large and imposing, and I sometimes like small and slim. I like girls and boys. But where I am consistent is this:
I like intelligence. I am going to fall in love with your quick wit faster than with anything else about you. If you’re an Abercrombie and Fitch model, but you don’t get irony and the occasional Postmodern metatextuality, this probably won’t work out.
I like funny. Life is too serious. I get too serious. You’re going to have to make fun of me sometimes in order to keep me in line, and you’re definitely going to have to make fun of life.
I like learning. I want to learn from you. I don’t care if you’re going to teach me about cigars or Cezanne, just give me something I don’t know.
I like passion. I don’t care if you’re passionate about cigars or Cezanne, but please be passionate about something. I was dating a guy about two years ago who told me that he loved television. “Oh really?” I asked, because I, also, love tv. “What shows do you watch?” “Oh, you know. Whatever’s on.” That’s when I knew I’d have to end it. Because I don’t know what that’s like. I never watch “whatever’s on.” I have my shows, and they are MY shows. I watch every episode. I start at episode 1, and unless the shows get really, really bad, I watch them until they end (and even then, I sometimes keep watching). That’s how I am. I get passionate about things, including television. I’m either totally uninterested or I am a FAN. I don’t do middle ground very well. And if you’re ambivalent about everything, this probably won’t work out.
I like feeling cared for. No, this doesn’t mean you need to smother me. But it does mean that I want to feel like someone is looking out for me, that someone has my back, and that maybe we’re slightly less alone in this great big world because we have each other.
I like being entertained. I will put up with a lot of faults, but I cannot put up with boring. If you’re boring, if you’ve got nothing to say, if you like to do the same thing the same way every day, if you crave stability and routine and safety, this will probably never work out.
I like being challenged. Push me, provoke me, challenge me. Have an edge and enjoy using it. Let’s avoid repetition and complacency. If you’re too conservative and suburban and safe, you probably won’t like me anyway, so this most likely won’t be an issue. But I will tell you that if you’re different than everyone else, I’ll notice you. Your edge doesn’t have to be tattoos. It can be your mind. But I need that edge. It makes me feel alive.
Ironically, I also like consistency. Don’t like me one day and then ignore me for a week. You know what’s going to happen if you do that? I’m going to lose interest. Because if I can’t trust you, we’re never going to get to the good stuff. And the good stuff is what’s worth getting at.
I like empathy. Notice other people and care about them. I dated a narcissistic sociopath for a little while, and it was kind of rough.
I like plans. Make plans with me. Don’t just play things by ear, checking in on Saturday afternoon to see “what’s up.” I’d also like you to have a plan for your life beyond “hanging out.” I don’t care if you want to be a high-powered attorney or run your own non-profit or be a personal trainer, I want to feel like you’ve got some kind of vision about where you want to go and that you’re doing something to get there.
Appearance, at the end of the day, is almost irrelevant. Chemistry is essential, but if you’ve got all those things, if you’ve got the edge and the wit and the brain, the chemistry is probably going to be there, because I’m going to be head over heels for you.