, , , , , , , ,


My friend Julie in Baltimore decided to dip her toes in the OKC waters, which inspired the two of us to go at this together. Much like workout buddies, we are there to remind each other to hold our heads high and not to give up — and to share some of the insanity that runs rampant on the Internet. We also thought it would be interesting to compare and contrast the Los Angeles and Baltimore dating scenes.

Because some of this material is too good not to share, we’ve decided to share it with you in the form of weekly highlights. You’ll get them until either one of us finds love (don’t hold your breath) or gives up (more likely).

Dahlia from LA goes second.

The list of worst opening messages is so long that I actually had to scroll and scan to find and remember which opening message was decent. And then I remembered this one:

“Hi, I like that you enjoy making people think. Thinking is the real joy of life. And I like that you are a strong minded person with an opinion – that’s how I like a woman and wouldn’t have it any other way. A good conversation, some probing ideas and exchange of thoughts is sexy and built for the long run.
I also enjoy writing. Do you write short stories? Poems? Non fiction? Have you completed a novel? Hard to do all of the above. A friend of mine wrote the Deer Hunter screen play but wasn’t a great novelist. I’ve written published articles but some day I’d enjoy writing a book that inspires or illumines the mind.
Have plans for New Years? Mine is a quiet affair so far. Likely dinner with fam.
Hope to hear from you.”

I liked that he could form complete sentences — and, most impressive, he actually read and thought about my profile. Maybe these are low standards, but that’s what will stand out in an OKC in-box.

I couldn’t narrow it down to one.

“Met someone like you once. Green is never the same.”
“you’re very sexy. Would you be interested in a mff 3 some?”
“What’s up gangster 🙂 jk but you do sound pretty cool, so far. Take a look at my profile and if you still wanna chat. Tell me what do you do on your free time? What part of town are you in? Oh and do you play volleyball ?”

Um, green? Volleyball? An MFF so soon?

“Steering clear of: skinny jeans (for men), neck tattoos, bathroom mirror pictures, and vegas pool parties.”

Yes, please, no more bathroom mirror pictures. And while we’re at it, no more headless torsos.


“Work is what keeps me busy 🙂 also I try to figure why Justin Bieber is so famous. :)”

(By the way, he also says he’s “really good at challenging intellectual conversations and of course being funny.”)

“I’m an actor by day, bartender by night. Yes, one of those. People look at these careers as being unstable but… I am responsible! I consider myself a well-rounded person and an oxymoron. I want to do everything! People sometimes underestimates me and because of this, they will always be surprised.”

Well, yes, I guess you’ll have to surprise me, but unfortunately those are two careers I don’t want to date, so raincheck on those surprises.

Mr. Thinking Is The Real Joy of Life called me and we had a nice (if awkward) phone conversation, but I haven’t heard from him since. I assume he’s vanished into the ether, like so many others.

Other than that, a lot of white noise.

People are insane. And sometimes closeted.

This happened:

BOY: nice to meet you …Sometimes I do like to wear a little flavored lip gloss …
I guess that would make me a little metro if that’s okay 🙂

ME: hm. i’m not sure what to do with that information. is it a big deal? is there a reason why you’re warning me?

BOY: I also still have my outfit from being in an all girls (only man) 80s cover band … it’s mostly been mini skirts, panties and thigh highs 🙂

ME: Something about that is alarming and something about that is charming and intriguing. Do you always lead with this info? Is that your way of screening women? How often do you wear the panties and skirts?

BOY: Yes, I do kind of want to know if a potential GF is okay with it. Sometimes, I do like to cross dress and I only do it for girls and in private …it’s mostly been mini skirts, panties and thigh highs 🙂

ME: So do you lead with it because you’ve been burned before? Do girls normally run off when they’ve found out? It takes more than that to phase me.

BOY: I just like to my cards on the table so that there are any surprises
I have done what they call a bi 3 some (MMF) … No anal but I did share his cock with the girl and we both gave him really good head until he came …which was very hot. I am actually looking for a GF, someone that is opened minded in general and fun to be around to hang with.

And that’s where I ended it. And for some reason, OKC says we’re an 85% match. Thanks a lot, OKC.

And the grand finale would be this:

Screen Shot 2014-01-04 at 19.03.31